tv At Midnight Comedy Central October 24, 2014 2:04am-2:35am PDT
>> stephen: well, that's it for the report, everybody. folks before i go, i want to remind you that in-- if you enjoyed my interview with bill cosby tonight, get in line. and to learn more about mr. cosby go to your local library and check out cosby his life and times by mark whitacre. an when they tell you they don't have it yet, go out and buy it, you cheap skate. good night. (cheers and applause) >> this happened on kickstarter today. currently one of six of the hottest kick startees. show me the money. john. bring it.
>> now that's what i call a money shot. >> thank you. hooray yes. (cheers and applause) >> wonderful, thank you. who save you from removing such immediate yok rit. that is the money gun h that is the gun that shoots money because who wants to bother with expressing love compliments or regards for another person. she looks like she's having a breat great time getting shot in the face with hundies. this gun is only 2 dollars but there is a gold-plated version for five grand in case you can't get rid of your cash fast enough. and an ammo clip, it is called your wallet, no waiting period just load it with thousands and thousands of dollars an send a stripper to college. dheers plaus.
>> please give me a line to help sell the money gun kyle kinane go. >> the money gun still a better investment than a bachelor's degree agree from a liberal arts school. >> good. >> hari kondabolu. >> cake let them eat money. >> perfect. >> douglas benson. >> the pun gun use it to splurge all over someone you love. (laughter) >> oh, well done, doug benson. start to start @midnight. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> welcome to @midnight. i'm chris hardwick guy this is the official start of season two. (cheers and applause) pretty of the same. i still haven't fixed that yet so that's good. tonight's comedians are performing at the benson ball comedy festival in washington d.c., october 1st. kyle kinane. (applause)
kyle kinane wearing a fantastic bloomington indiana come doe club there. >> yeah, you find yourself in bloomington indiana. be sure to stop by. >> (laughter) >> waiting for 2042 is available on i toouns hari kondabolu. (applause) >> hosting the movie pod cast it's douglas benson. (applause) douling you're a national treasure. what's sort of weird adventures have you had recently doug benson. >> i don't remember. >> of course you don't. that's the perfect place to start ripped from the headlines rapid refresh. (applause) >> a new social media platform sure to de thrown facebook or become such a joke that google plus users will make fun of it. called elo and you need to be invited by a current
member. there is a nerdist page on there but it's not me and i want it. gif it to me. how did someone park that all right? you're not me i'm me, notu. give me some respect god dammit. no one will e-mail me back from there. >> but maybe i could go this route invites are going for 50 grand on ebay. there is perfect for a friendless billionaire who has some money left over after buying one of these. (applause) >> it is i basically a paired down mix of-- you sort friends into one of two categories friends or noise. oh. are you intrigued but i think you don't know why. in between friends and noise is a lot of gray area a ton of gray area and comedians what are more specific categories you would like to divide your social media acquaintances into.
>> greasers and skoshes. >> points. >> all right. >> friends and white people. >> okay good points. >> (applause) >> you guys are okay because you're here. >> good okay, cool, good. >> doug benson. >> i don't know which category you guys fall into but my two would be trolls and holes. (laughter) >> the internet exploded over the weekend because of a wedding between a british barister and some guy without plays george on the facts of life. that's right george cloney am i saying that right, got married and a million frustrated divorced aunts took to the internet to express their rage. it was a matter of time before he came into the store where they worked to bang them in the puppy paint aisle. there was also a including
nostalgia causing this image to go viral. oh yeah. yeah! i got it, take this flip phone call on my bike. that's gorge clooney from the short-lived series sunset beach. you remember, he played an undercover cop named chic chesbro, that's 100 percent true. and i want to you look into this image and tell me what you think clooney is going undercover as right there kyle kinane. >> he'll prettiest angel. (applause) doug benson. >> kelly mcgillis in top gun. >> yes points definitely. >> con gattlations george. that brings to us the end of rapid refresh now time for hashtag wars. hashtag marked the 30th
anniversary of america getting introduced to the roll up blazer pastel t-shirt and crime fighting an fix of the hit tv show miami vice remember? there it is. yeah. one color no socksix don't gif a [bleep] who i am with. yeah miami style. why don't you cradle that shotgun like a tire. >> so in honor of that tonight's hashtag is lamer duos exam els my be tango and cash. or-- and hooch. >> you want to be that way guess what, hooch is dead. (laughter) >> yeah that's what you get. this season, no more. >> (applause)
>> so 60 seconds on the clock starting now, and go. >> michael jordan and "pippin" the musical. >> points. >> doug. >> the sclar mothers. >> points. >> -- sebastian bach. >> miriam webster but webster the little black kid. >> good points. >> haul and scrotes. >> points. >> doug. maybe it still works. >> doug. >> thelma and louis ck. >> sony and a chair. >> yes. >> all right, that's the end of tonight's hashtag wa send us your hashtag. and tag them @midnight. we'll be back with more @midnight. >> our tweet of the day from last night's hashtag war was sent to us by@jigsaw joe.
@midnight. it's time to play-- you know what they say what happens in vegas is the worst thing. we're going to show you some vines with real carbon smoke from the sin city. for 250 points come up with a name for them. first one, how about this walk of shame right here. (laughter) (applause) that did not stay in vegas, doug? >> always bet on blackout. wrong room right floor. >> next one. >> look at this romantic moment this romantic moment.
>> hari. >> perfect kinder match. >> points. >> kyle. >> jerk du soleil weren'ts boner assassin. >> next one. >> a whole lot of lap dance a whole lot of lap dance. >> hari? >> when your fiancee sets up your bachelorette party. >> points. jokes on him. he set that up anyway. >> there are no winners here. >> no winners. >> kyle? >> the first screws up and
now the stripper's mexican. what's new? >>. >> what group am i in now in your facebook. >> doesn't make it better. >> last one. >> this concerned citizen this concerned citizen -- >> are you dead? >> kyle kinane? >> this used to be a pool. >> it's time for our next game steel cageman. the internet has but one
true god, his name is nicholas cage. one of the most awesome subreddit is one true god. there to prove my point. >> one true god. devoted to nicholas cage the one true god for 250 points your job is to tell me which got the most cage love for the laypeople. first up this gift with the label our lord sees all. >> or this post that reads our lord blessed us with a great performance. >> harry, we don't have time for this. we have to study for an exam. >> doug? >> the one with mm lawson -- >> the correct answer is this one. (cheers and applause)
next one w mount cagemore or that one-- our saviour looking great as ever. >> you meant if i take a picture -- >> i really wish would you click too late. >> stop. >> i like the second one it looks like he's still in coach. (laughter) >> i guess leaving las vegas was a documentary. (applause) >> a hundred points to hari for that the correct answer is this one. >> time for our live challenge.
i now pronounce you chill and stokes. now the recreationa marijuana is legal in denver denver-- weddings are all the rage where someone could be you can get pot leaf bouquets butte nears and you see all that stuff on the frisky.com. there you go. now what needs to be captivateing as ten minute phish guitar solos, one time he fell off the garage and banged his stuff on a fence. during the commercial i want you to write a wedding vow for a stoner wedding. get the answers. be back with more @midnight. (applause)
just tell us your budget and the "name your price" tool helps you find a whole range of coverages. no one else gives you options like that. [voice echoing] no one at all! no one at all! no one. wake up! [gasp] oh! you okay, buddy? i just had a dream that progressive had this thing called... the "name your price" tool... it isn't a dream is it? nope. sorry! you know that thing freaks me out. he can hear you. he didn't mean that, kevin. kevin: yes, he did! keeping our competitors up at night. now, that's progressive.
[bell rings] waitress: welcome to denny's! >> welcome back to @midnight. before the break we brought you the story of weed themed weddings in colorado and asked to you write your best stoner wedding vow, let's see what you wrote. >> with this onion ring i thee wed in guitar solos and drum solos until-- run there's the cops-- do we part. >> very, very special. >> doug. >> i promise to love and cherish you for as long as we both-- shall live. i'm sorry i meant for as long as we both have weed. (laughter) >> all right. kyle. >> let's legalize our love baby. speaking of babies, we still got to name our kid. (applause)
>> i got to do a thousand points to doug 500 kyle 250 hari. it's like having a segment about alcoholism for kyle and like, having one about the race war with me. of course he's going to win. >> i'm sorry. okay. >> next time we'll have a category about complaining. >> but you're saying there is a next time? >> there will always be a next time hari. all right. >> working for the rebooking wile on the show. >> time for the next game funny and die. >> this actually has become a fun little recurring segment on our show. when we have fro time in the writers room we go through obituaryies to see what we stumble across and
occasionally we find a really great one that we need to share. from pittsburgh post gazette informed us that raymond bill al brownley passed away at the age of 82 it there is biggal right there in his best hard hat. according to the bit big al was quite a teller of tales in his stories often with the phrase that's when i kicked his ass. he described canned cran berry sauce wearing shorts cigarette butts in his driveway, to be asco sauce and anything having to do with the kardashian, but he loved milk shakes, the employ boy january el and the gentleman's club. in honor of big al, thank you kyle for removing your hat in honor of big al. but al was a hard worker and american hero so let's come up with other things that he probably loved or hated. 60 second on the clock. and go. >> kyle? >> big al hated road people.
>> points. >> oddly enough big al loved mondays. >> yeah, he did. points. >> kyle. >> big al loved the phrase those people. >> points. >> loved racial harmony his favorite stripper. >> yes. >> points. >> beautifully done. doug. >> big al another hard one to believe, loved live tweeting downton abbey. >> points. >> big al ironically hated fatal better. >> points. >> doug. >> this is one that is kind of obscure but-- true though big al hated it when felicity cut her hair hated it. so bad.
points. >> that brings us to the end of funny and die. hari, are you in third place i'm so sorry. we have to eliminate you. but you'll be back for sure. do you have any last words for today. >> i'm happy with this i didn't come here to win. i came here to make friends. >> yay! (applause) >> and you can do so from the comfort of your own-- red light. that means it's time to put the ass in kansas it's for the win. (cheers and applause) >> according to ny daily news.com, the state of kansas is engaging in creative fund-raising to help offset a tax revenue deficit. officials seized thousands and thousands of dildoes vibrators and something called a cyberskin foot stronger. i'm interested in but when adult entertainment entrepreneur owes the state over $160,000 in back taxes. so now his refusal to take it in the ass on his taxes
is your opportunity to take it there for a low low price. comedians over the break i would like to you to write a line for the he bay listing for one of the product force the sex toy auction. one of or comedians is named a winner when we come back on @midnight. hydration... ...where you least expect it. schick hydro sensitive. water-activated gel hydrates your skin throughout each shave... ...and skin guards help reduce irritation. our best shave for your skin. schick hydro sensitive... free your skin.
ah! come on! let's hide in the attic. no. in the basement. why can't we just get in the running car? are you crazy? let's hide behind the chainsaws. smart. yeah. ok. if you're in a horror movie, you make poor decisions. it's what you do. this was a good idea. shhhh. be quiet. i'm being quiet. you're breathing on me! if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance you switch to geico. it's what you do. head for the cemetery!
>> welcome back to @midnight. for the win. that's why it is so-- wipe wipe, wipe wipe. i will read your answers you know what the drill is doug, you've been on like ten times. you guys will decide who shall be the winner. i will read the answer as loud before the break. i told you about a sex toy auction to raise revenue in kansas. i asked you guys to write ebay listings for one of these products. what did you write. first one. >> hey you cheap dildo check out these cheap dildoes. (applause) (laughter) >> all right. >> or. >> for sale secondhand dildo it is not used just shaped like two fists all sales final. (applause) (cheers and applause) >> number two kyle kinane.
voice of comedy central and now the funnestest man for the next 24 hour, tomorrow our guests adam newan, mike lawrence heather anne campbell. till then keep tweeting with your hashtag. thank you for getting to us seeson two. we'll see you tomorrow. good night. - yo, america. what it is. it's jah-boy adam "so fine" devine, and i'm here to wel-con-um you to house par-- aah! i hate it. i hate it. it's stupid. cut. - cut? what are you talking about? - okay, what am i talking about? you're sitting over there throwing out bad vibes to me when i'm giving my all to this show. i need a director who's more dynamic who throws more "snapability" into the situation. - "snapability" is not a word, adam. - how are you supposed to be a director